cry cry cry
Friday, December 29, 2006: 6:43 AM
cry...tt's all i do...
tt's wad i live for...
i gt e msg rohaishah...i thank u 4 it.
noe wad?i hate myself.
jz hope tt i can erase my mistakes by crying...bt i noe i cant.
stupid idiot.
im so so very lost...
yahh...indeed it's a extremely stupid memory...
e love triangle...
i dun even noe he already stead w her..
haah!...i think tt's wad i called monkey love???
& no...i didnt visit her 2 e hospital...
guess i was too busy w my studies n my life tt i 4got bou her...
???
no,im lying...im scared 2 meet her.
yeahh,coward.
im scared tt she wud nt wan 2 see me again aft wad happen...
such a jerk i m...
i've made SO many mistakes...
i dunno wen i'll STOP making mistakes...
bt everydae i'll pray 2 ALLAH...
4 raudhah a place in the heaven...4 my family 2 b safe,for my frens 2 haf a gd future...
i look terrible now...
i think i'll sleep late.
pls,dun b guilty or watsoever bou u sendin e msg...
im grateful 4 it...
@ least i noe her 'last words'...
btw...i've cut out e orbituory fm e newspaper...
w my diary n e letter she gav me aft she broke up w him...
a bitter memory 4 me 2 keep till e dae i die & mayb rejoin w raudhah bac...
it seems so hard 2 take tiz pain...
my head ache...
my heart even worse...
my eyes swollen...
$$ had made ppl BLIND...
tt's wad happen 2 me 2dae...
well...i'll haf 2 learn 2 forgive...& try 2 forget...
though it's hard...
e world is unjust...no use fretting.
From the bottom of my heart impure
kerrang!!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006: 6:34 AM
wee!!....2dae is a good dae...bt exhausted i m @ e end o e dae.did i tell u bou tiz pakcik,he rock man!he chat w me bou metal bands..wahahaaden e even brought he's "Kerrang" mag 4 me 2 read 2dae.nahh...he's nt gatal lyk gt tiz other pakcik...dh tua tk sedar diri...sigh!...gonna show off 2 him MY "kerrang" mag tmr!...me n shikin was lyk laughin @ e way he talk...cz he talk SO fast tt he left us askin him 2 reapeat 2 or 3 tyms...wahhaa...&...as usual...continuing living...tryin 2 find wad lyf means...& ignore bitches n assh0les @ work tt try 2 fuck my lyf...aee...darkk new day***~
From the bottom of my heart impure
e secret under my skin
Sunday, December 24, 2006: 6:44 PM
woahh!...thx 4 all e concern tags on my board...
sigh!...missed my frens...tt's y i took e dae off 2dae.
bt uma n jia hwei cant go w us 2 mr lee hse.
sigh!...
uma...
all tiz happen 4 sumthin'...i hope u'll b strong...
i noe u will...i'll b bhind u.
ystd went 2 city square johor n ate kenny rogers ther.
chicken was delicious,except tt ey mixed e chicken n put e dessert watermelon on e same plate!...
bt i still cant find e perfect pasta...
nw e top pasta 4 me is still e one in our sch...
den went around e mall...
wahh!...wanna buy a lot o thnigs.
ended up buying an emily sling bag...it's small n round--to put my wallet n purse inside wen goin out.
den me n my fam go up n buy movie tickets to Cicakman... e movie's quite funny,though i didnt laugh tt muc lyk e woman hu sat bside me...bt guess wad?....e movie ticket is RM$10...bloody cheap 4 a weekend...n da seating is ok...e same lyk in singapore...opps.!...i gotta go prepare 4 mr lee christmas party...so weird,daryl msg me already?i promised him 12pm @ hougang mall!???
From the bottom of my heart impure
Saturday, December 23, 2006: 4:46 AM
e truth seems hard 2 sink in...
bt sumone i knew--bt nvr knew tt muc-- is gone forever...
enter to another realm-God's Realm...
i jz hope she's fine & happy ther...
& may God place her in His Heaven among the Faithful
i've washed away tiz pain...
i didnt expect to cry for her,bt i did...
mayb cz an incident happen b4 she feel ill...
i noe tiz tears cant ease her pain...
only God noes...
Raudhah...
ther's so muc funny stories tt i wanna share...
bt heck,i've gt no mood...
im jz sorry tt i cant go out w my frens...bcz i gt no mood n also my mum lyk dun wanna me go out since i've gt no $$$...
haa...
goin 2 get my pay nex weekend...
btw,tmr my sis wanna blanja Kenny Rogers @ Johor...
heard ther's a flood ther...
hope phantom's alrite,since he said he goin KL...
bac 2 my sis,she gt her bonus pay,& she jz passed her driving test
so she wanna treat e whole family...abang n kak aisyah will join us too...
From the bottom of my heart impure
im sorry
Wednesday, December 20, 2006: 5:22 AM
>i cant go 4 mr lee's christmas's party!!!...BUT i'll buy u all a christmas gift & go w u all 4 da shoppin spree i've promised...IM SORRY!SORRY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HART!I'LL TEAR MY HART OUT FOR U TO SEE!!!
okk...tt's my latest news.tot wanna stay up 2 watch project runway,bt i guess i better write tiz entry...
i felt s0 darn guilty!... ...............................
well,jz nw i went off fm work @ 4pm n meet mel @ cp.
was feeling FARK UP cz of da job...
den gt tiz bunch of donaters...da 3rd guy tt approach me gt a put off fm me...
aiyo0!...i felt sorry 4 throwin my tantrum on him...
i think he oso taken aback...
arghh!...pff!
saw MEL!!!!!!!!!!!......................
chatted @ kfc...wahaha...
shared da $5.50 meal...i blanja...da popcorn big huhh?...hahaa
den went 2 da band bbq...
i went up 2 hall n play w da percussion instrument lyk mad...
missed it lyk mad,da feeling is lyk havin sorta a lump in ur throat,& sick in da stomach.
n...0pps...i didnt help in da bbq!... ~_~
it's too crowded around da bbq pits...
anw,wen in hall,me bitch n ragdoll was tryin 2 figure out da startin of "welcum 2 e black parade" on e piano...
turn out okk...wahahaa... [[mel hair v fast grow long lerr]]
& do u blieve i miss wei guang too??/heex...i rmb da tyms
wen he gulped down 1.5L bottle of blueberry tes[his fav drink]/8 cans o soya bean
& da last pix mel took it!...i was tryin 2 discuss w wei guang da notes 2 da startin o da song!.
SURPRISE!SURPRISE...weiguang 4 da 1st tym luv mcr song!
my section gave me a box of ferrero rocher...arghh...muackz...
gotta sleep...if nt i'll b late 4 work again...
& did i tell u bou me gettin da edusave merit bursary award[$250] bt i neh get cz my total family income more den $4000,
BUT i get another letter fm CDC & CCC 4 gd progress award[$150]!!!
ahahaa!....lucks rolling in!...wo0tz...
can buy da motorola extension memory card & earpiece...
From the bottom of my heart impure
see you on the other side
Saturday, December 16, 2006: 2:24 AM
heex...jz went out w my mum n bro 2 PS...bought a pair of jeans[[cz i've been wearin my favourite levis jeans @ work 4 a WEEK]]--& shikin is makin fun of me 4 nt washin my jeanswahahaa...for $39 @ PS B1 shop...& GUESS WAD?
I BOUGHT AN EMILY WATCH!!!...LOVEEEE!
WEE!...nice isnt it?
& it cums w a box...so cute.
abang & kak aisyah gonna blanja us seafo0d 2nite!...
wo0tz....yum yum...cant wait.
p.s:::did u realise tt da watch does nt show 12,
instead it shows 13?...
cz emily is actualli 13 yrs ol...
From the bottom of my heart impure
Friday, December 15, 2006: 7:20 PM
tiz job is beating e shit out o me...
it's tiring...bt i luv da ppl ther.
aiyaa...b4 tiz i typed a long entry.bt stupid com delete it all...
wanna sae bou tiz woman we call 'mayat' cz she scared me n shikin wen she appear bhind us..
w her hollow cheekbone,pale face,slit eyes n mad hair.
& tiz guy hu's so blur...n we smelt bad breath cumin fm him...bt his a nice guy...
& another guy hu gt body odour on da 1st dae he came in 4 work.
& far haf a crush on sum1 ther...muahaaa...
& ppl ther seems 2 pass motion every morn...
& far told me bou her experience in da toilet in da morn wen she tying her hair...
& it was 'gruesome'...muahahaa...bt hu neh shit?
& i avoid goin 2 toliet in da morn bt in da aftnn wen da cleaner clean da toilet already... & here's a pix o shikin w a tissue stuck 2 her nose...& neng & cik yam smokiN'...
From the bottom of my heart impure
im drunk im s'pose
Wednesday, December 13, 2006: 6:18 AM
HAH!...finally gt tym 2 update.workin lyk mad 4 da past 3 daes...tmr is my 4th dae!wo0ho0...earned $150 4 tiz 3 daes...noe a lot more new ppl...& i learn 2 love em as tym pass.bt im gonna miss aunty shanti...she gonna quit on fri...sigh!,,a lot o things happen,bt i've gt no tym 2 share here.btw,shikin is my new mate...n ibu,cik mas...kak lia...neng[[agnes monica]],da Lesbian,hu keep playin w ibu until ibu scold her--"Kanina!...i smack u!!!""sulk[[wanna cry--CRYBABY!]]wahhaaha...veh fun,bt TIRED!...my hands ache e 1st 2 daes... uhnn...found tiz cartoon pix @ photobucket...cute isnt it?
From the bottom of my heart impure
Sunday, December 10, 2006: 3:05 AM
gosh...2dae i've been smiling all aft...went 2 hougang mall 2 buy sum snackcs 4 work tmr w far...den tajul msg her n sae he @ HM...was bored,so he walk w us...den uma called n sae she @ punggol park w her sis n daryl,cycling...so we 3 walked ther.bought da ramli buRger n bird nest fern drink fm da pasar malam therplayed on da swing...bt it was so squeaky,so i got offi sit on e sit,n far sit on e other side...n den we rocked up n down...hahaa...bac 2 bein kids.tajul took my fone n took our photo..den borrowed uma's & her sis's bicycle.me n tajul ride it all over da parkfun,da breeze is nice.den da pond gt a lot o ppl fishin or playin w eir controlled-shipsat down n chat...he took da pix o my shoe... +_+bt indeed,it's well-taken pix.so i took a pix o his shoe bac.den ask him 2 take my pix w far n uma.daryl was busily scratchin a cat on da sit infront.hahaaa...tajul went offden i took a pix o me daryl n da cat... dunno WTF i doin...ahahaa...actualli,i was meaning 2 do "whiskers"anw,wadever it is...we walk n sit bside da pond...i gulped down my burgern daryl n uma bought sum drinks.was talking n scratching sumone's dogs--of course me n far didnthahaa...bt da dog veh cute.den took sum more pix...wen we all saw da rainbow behind da clouds w da silver lining.so beautifull...
was gettin dark,so we went off.below is da pix taken 2dae. XDlove my fone.fizzie gav eme tiz link,gt a lot o drawings fm ppl all over.i tryin 2 sigh up,bt my email gone wrong...tiz suxhttp://www.deviantart.come end of *darK New Day*--
From the bottom of my heart impure
: 2:49 AM
From the bottom of my heart impure
fuck YOU!
Friday, December 08, 2006: 7:36 PM
i dunno wadda hell he tryin' 2 do...tryin 2 show off his lyf???......tryin' 2 make me sulk?...well,u failed.no0ne @ hm...sighh...so bored w/o my bro...wen his @ hm slalu gaduh2...:P heex^^^feeling Farked-Up^^^:::ther's a place in e dark where e animals go:::
~ can take off ur skin in e cannibal glow~
I love my phone!
dunno wadda hell i was thinkin'...
i cut my fringe again...
a bit senget...goshh...
From the bottom of my heart impure
LIAR.Lie!Li3D...
Thursday, December 07, 2006: 10:20 PM
im gonna work nex mon.yayy...cant wait 2 get da money fm my hard work.daryl,shopping spree nex mth!!!...wahahaa..hey,daryl,if u read tiz,i asked @ CP 'yamaha'[[music shop]] bou da guitar lessonshe said 4 grp,muz haf 6ppl...den each person $62.80...ex ahh?...dunno 4 other place diff cost or nt...po0r shahira*bitch stuck w her lil sis 2dae!...heex.tot she wanna ask me out 2 Vivo...she havent go ther yet!po0r darliing,stuck w band!...wahahaa...my torture fm band has ended...though i missed saiful,weiguang,shameer,nasri...sighh!...cutety pies.it's s0 amazing how my bond is w bitch n ragdoll...even though we seldom contact e/o,we ended up needing e/o...& when we went out,we laughed all e way...i'll b workin w far...gd lah!...so i can always c her,n nt miss her terribly...onli uma...n sry daryl,i workin w far...cz i oso nd 2 accompany e/o...if nt,she alone.*fuck!...nw i nd 2 buy da motorola headset n usb cable... :(
From the bottom of my heart impure
i AM ghost
: 12:13 AM
*Your subconscious is sharper than you are;
or is it jz weird random images that flashed through your head at night
*&dark new day'" jz came bac fm punggol plaza.
took da shuttle bus bac hm.
was waitin 4 it 4 so long...& da stupidd christmas carols on da sound system almost drive me NUTS!
it's tt kind o songs 4 kindergarten kids
felt lyk wanna smash on da system.
or mayb shout "can you shut da fuckin' song?!"
+ den da bus came.dunno where it goes,jz took it anw.
i dun care where it goes too.
even if im lost,it's ard punggol,so i can find my way bac.
thankfully it stopped @ my bus stop
gonna go CP ltr.goin 2 buy my new mobile!!!
actually wanna buy motorola rokr E2,bt i think jz buy motorola V3x lah...
cz anw,it's $0 n ther's mp3 n bluetooth even
[[though i think nt muc space to store]]--i hope ther's extension memory cards.
^ther's no miracles w/o actions">>>bt i feel s0 weak::mental breakdown
tryin 2 listen 2 sum band i found in my "Kerrang" mag.
:::I am ghost,Kylessa,My Ruin,The Distillers:::
From the bottom of my heart impure
fear of the dark
Tuesday, December 05, 2006: 7:10 PM
well,gonna go tamp swimming complex again ltr...arghh...miz my *bitch...& my ragdOLL!!!...rarely see em on9.bt im lo0kin 4ward 2 da kuzzin outing w fizzie,aiyshah n munir.oh!...chattin w munir...said aisyah nt free,bt he will ask my sis n his sis to go w us.& me far n fizzie gonna go 2 munir's poly open hse!gr8!...sum1 2 show us ard da sk0ol.though i still wanna go NAFA!<<33n i owe fizzie a b'thdae presentn daryl sae he wanna buy me sumthin' bou 'emily strange 4 CHRISTMASaeee...my minds a whirl...contaminated w darkness...of horendous visions...4 da 2nd tym,i cried in my sleep cz o a crazzy dream.
From the bottom of my heart impure
The Queen
Monday, December 04, 2006: 6:48 PM
yesterdae was a dae in the....SUN!... pff!...bt swimming is fun.though i get muscle aches fm mths o nt exercising...fiuuhh...put a lot o sunblock.-=5:35pm=-went 4 another job interview...hope e 3rd tym is e Lucky one...da mp3 player on my blog SUX!...gonna dwld in my songs fm my com 2 da website...strangerous's I-ODD is in construction.BE PREPARED TO BE BLASTED !!!>>>
From the bottom of my heart impure
Diamond Lights
Sunday, December 03, 2006: 8:12 PM
WAHAHAAA!!!....I LOVE MY BLOG!!!sorry to my darliing cuzzin,Fish!...i didnt use ur blogskin nt cz it's nt nice,bt i dunno how 2 get da 'coding' 2 put in my template.bt u inspired me 2 do tiz skin.thanksss!watched Happy Feat w ms ng,ms yeow,uma,far n daryl on thur...if i nt wrong..wahhh!!!...had a hell lotz o fun.!they blanja us pizza hut n movie tickets cz we help ms ng tt dae.went n buy da mag i wan,"Kerrang"...gt a lot o bands inside n i even gt a free CD.9 bucks,i think it's worth it.2dae mayb go tamp swimming complex.my lil bro gonna get his 1st swimming lesson 2dae!!!...hahaa...
From the bottom of my heart impure