cry cry cry
Friday, December 29, 2006: 6:43 AM
cry...tt's all i do...
tt's wad i live for...
i gt e msg rohaishah...i thank u 4 it.
noe wad?i hate myself.
jz hope tt i can erase my mistakes by crying...bt i noe i cant.
stupid idiot.
im so so very lost...
yahh...indeed it's a extremely stupid memory...
e love triangle...
i dun even noe he already stead w her..
haah!...i think tt's wad i called monkey love???
& no...i didnt visit her 2 e hospital...
guess i was too busy w my studies n my life tt i 4got bou her...
???
no,im lying...im scared 2 meet her.
yeahh,coward.
im scared tt she wud nt wan 2 see me again aft wad happen...
such a jerk i m...
i've made SO many mistakes...
i dunno wen i'll STOP making mistakes...
bt everydae i'll pray 2 ALLAH...
4 raudhah a place in the heaven...4 my family 2 b safe,for my frens 2 haf a gd future...
i look terrible now...
i think i'll sleep late.
pls,dun b guilty or watsoever bou u sendin e msg...
im grateful 4 it...
@ least i noe her 'last words'...
btw...i've cut out e orbituory fm e newspaper...
w my diary n e letter she gav me aft she broke up w him...
a bitter memory 4 me 2 keep till e dae i die & mayb rejoin w raudhah bac...
it seems so hard 2 take tiz pain...
my head ache...
my heart even worse...
my eyes swollen...
$$ had made ppl BLIND...
tt's wad happen 2 me 2dae...
well...i'll haf 2 learn 2 forgive...& try 2 forget...
though it's hard...
e world is unjust...no use fretting.
tt's wad i live for...
i gt e msg rohaishah...i thank u 4 it.
noe wad?i hate myself.
jz hope tt i can erase my mistakes by crying...bt i noe i cant.
stupid idiot.
im so so very lost...
yahh...indeed it's a extremely stupid memory...
e love triangle...
i dun even noe he already stead w her..
haah!...i think tt's wad i called monkey love???
& no...i didnt visit her 2 e hospital...
guess i was too busy w my studies n my life tt i 4got bou her...
???
no,im lying...im scared 2 meet her.
yeahh,coward.
im scared tt she wud nt wan 2 see me again aft wad happen...
such a jerk i m...
i've made SO many mistakes...
i dunno wen i'll STOP making mistakes...
bt everydae i'll pray 2 ALLAH...
4 raudhah a place in the heaven...4 my family 2 b safe,for my frens 2 haf a gd future...
i look terrible now...
i think i'll sleep late.
pls,dun b guilty or watsoever bou u sendin e msg...
im grateful 4 it...
@ least i noe her 'last words'...
btw...i've cut out e orbituory fm e newspaper...
w my diary n e letter she gav me aft she broke up w him...
a bitter memory 4 me 2 keep till e dae i die & mayb rejoin w raudhah bac...
it seems so hard 2 take tiz pain...
my head ache...
my heart even worse...
my eyes swollen...
$$ had made ppl BLIND...
tt's wad happen 2 me 2dae...
well...i'll haf 2 learn 2 forgive...& try 2 forget...
though it's hard...
e world is unjust...no use fretting.
From the bottom of my heart impure
kerrang!!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006: 6:34 AM
wee!!....
2dae is a good dae...
bt exhausted i m @ e end o e dae.
did i tell u bou tiz pakcik,he rock man!
he chat w me bou metal bands..wahahaa
den e even brought he's "Kerrang" mag 4 me 2 read 2dae.
nahh...he's nt gatal lyk gt tiz other pakcik...
dh tua tk sedar diri...
sigh!...
gonna show off 2 him MY "kerrang" mag tmr!...
me n shikin was lyk laughin @ e way he talk...
cz he talk SO fast tt he left us askin him 2 reapeat 2 or 3 tyms...
wahhaa...
&...as usual...
continuing living...tryin 2 find wad lyf means...
& ignore bitches n assh0les @ work tt try 2 fuck my lyf...
aee...
darkk new day***~
From the bottom of my heart impure
e secret under my skin
Sunday, December 24, 2006: 6:44 PM
woahh!...thx 4 all e concern tags on my board...
sigh!...missed my frens...tt's y i took e dae off 2dae.
bt uma n jia hwei cant go w us 2 mr lee hse.
sigh!...
uma...
all tiz happen 4 sumthin'...i hope u'll b strong...
i noe u will...i'll b bhind u.
ystd went 2 city square johor n ate kenny rogers ther.
chicken was delicious,except tt ey mixed e chicken n put e dessert watermelon on e same plate!...
bt i still cant find e perfect pasta...
nw e top pasta 4 me is still e one in our sch...
den went around e mall...
wahh!...wanna buy a lot o thnigs.
ended up buying an emily sling bag...it's small n round--to put my wallet n purse inside wen goin out.
den me n my fam go up n buy movie tickets to Cicakman...
e movie's quite funny,though i didnt laugh tt muc lyk e woman hu sat bside me...
bt guess wad?....e movie ticket is RM$10...
bloody cheap 4 a weekend...
n da seating is ok...e same lyk in singapore...
opps.!...i gotta go prepare 4 mr lee christmas party...
so weird,daryl msg me already?
i promised him 12pm @ hougang mall!???
From the bottom of my heart impure
Saturday, December 23, 2006: 4:46 AM
e truth seems hard 2 sink in...
bt sumone i knew--bt nvr knew tt muc-- is gone forever...
enter to another realm-God's Realm...
i jz hope she's fine & happy ther...
& may God place her in His Heaven among the Faithful
i've washed away tiz pain...
i didnt expect to cry for her,bt i did...
mayb cz an incident happen b4 she feel ill...
i noe tiz tears cant ease her pain...
only God noes...
i didnt expect to cry for her,bt i did...
mayb cz an incident happen b4 she feel ill...
i noe tiz tears cant ease her pain...
only God noes...
Raudhah...
ther's so muc funny stories tt i wanna share...
bt heck,i've gt no mood...
im jz sorry tt i cant go out w my frens...bcz i gt no mood n also my mum lyk dun wanna me go out since i've gt no $$$...
haa...
goin 2 get my pay nex weekend...
btw,tmr my sis wanna blanja Kenny Rogers @ Johor...
heard ther's a flood ther...
hope phantom's alrite,since he said he goin KL...
bac 2 my sis,she gt her bonus pay,& she jz passed her driving test
so she wanna treat e whole family...abang n kak aisyah will join us too...
bt heck,i've gt no mood...
im jz sorry tt i cant go out w my frens...bcz i gt no mood n also my mum lyk dun wanna me go out since i've gt no $$$...
haa...
goin 2 get my pay nex weekend...
btw,tmr my sis wanna blanja Kenny Rogers @ Johor...
heard ther's a flood ther...
hope phantom's alrite,since he said he goin KL...
bac 2 my sis,she gt her bonus pay,& she jz passed her driving test
so she wanna treat e whole family...abang n kak aisyah will join us too...
From the bottom of my heart impure
im sorry
Wednesday, December 20, 2006: 5:22 AM
>i cant go 4 mr lee's christmas's party!!!...BUT i'll buy u all a christmas gift & go w u all 4 da shoppin spree i've promised...
IM SORRY!SORRY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HART!I'LL TEAR MY HART OUT FOR U TO SEE!!!
i felt s0 darn guilty!... ...............................
well,jz nw i went off fm work @ 4pm n meet mel @ cp.
was feeling FARK UP cz of da job...
den gt tiz bunch of donaters...da 3rd guy tt approach me gt a put off fm me...
aiyo0!...i felt sorry 4 throwin my tantrum on him...
i think he oso taken aback...
arghh!...pff!
saw MEL!!!!!!!!!!!......................
chatted @ kfc...wahaha...
shared da $5.50 meal...i blanja...da popcorn big huhh?...hahaa
i felt s0 darn guilty!... ...............................
well,jz nw i went off fm work @ 4pm n meet mel @ cp.
was feeling FARK UP cz of da job...
den gt tiz bunch of donaters...da 3rd guy tt approach me gt a put off fm me...
aiyo0!...i felt sorry 4 throwin my tantrum on him...
i think he oso taken aback...
arghh!...pff!
saw MEL!!!!!!!!!!!......................
chatted @ kfc...wahaha...
shared da $5.50 meal...i blanja...da popcorn big huhh?...hahaa
den went 2 da band bbq...
i went up 2 hall n play w da percussion instrument lyk mad...
missed it lyk mad,da feeling is lyk havin sorta a lump in ur throat,& sick in da stomach.
n...0pps...i didnt help in da bbq!... ~_~
it's too crowded around da bbq pits...
anw,wen in hall,me bitch n ragdoll was tryin 2 figure out da startin of "welcum 2 e black parade" on e piano...
turn out okk...wahahaa... [[mel hair v fast grow long lerr]]
& do u blieve i miss wei guang too??/heex...i rmb da tyms
wen he gulped down 1.5L bottle of blueberry tes[his fav drink]/8 cans o soya bean
& da last pix mel took it!...i was tryin 2 discuss w wei guang da notes 2 da startin o da song!.
SURPRISE!SURPRISE...weiguang 4 da 1st tym luv mcr song!
my section gave me a box of ferrero rocher...arghh...muackz...
gotta sleep...if nt i'll b late 4 work again...
& did i tell u bou me gettin da edusave merit bursary award[$250] bt i neh get cz my total family income more den $4000,
BUT i get another letter fm CDC & CCC 4 gd progress award[$150]!!!
ahahaa!....lucks rolling in!...wo0tz...
can buy da motorola extension memory card & earpiece...
From the bottom of my heart impure
see you on the other side
Saturday, December 16, 2006: 2:24 AM
heex...jz went out w my mum n bro 2 PS...
bought a pair of jeans[[cz i've been wearin my favourite levis jeans @ work 4 a WEEK]]
--& shikin is makin fun of me 4 nt washin my jeans
wahahaa...for $39 @ PS B1 shop...
& GUESS WAD?
bought a pair of jeans[[cz i've been wearin my favourite levis jeans @ work 4 a WEEK]]
--& shikin is makin fun of me 4 nt washin my jeans
wahahaa...for $39 @ PS B1 shop...
& GUESS WAD?
I BOUGHT AN EMILY WATCH!!!...LOVEEEE!
MUAHAAA...
WEE!...nice isnt it?
& it cums w a box...so cute.
abang & kak aisyah gonna blanja us seafo0d 2nite!...
wo0tz....yum yum...cant wait.
p.s:::did u realise tt da watch does nt show 12,
instead it shows 13?...
From the bottom of my heart impure
Friday, December 15, 2006: 7:20 PM
tiz job is beating e shit out o me...
it's tiring...bt i luv da ppl ther.
aiyaa...b4 tiz i typed a long entry.bt stupid com delete it all...
wanna sae bou tiz woman we call 'mayat' cz she scared me n shikin wen she appear bhind us..
w her hollow cheekbone,pale face,slit eyes n mad hair.
& tiz guy hu's so blur...n we smelt bad breath cumin fm him...bt his a nice guy...
& another guy hu gt body odour on da 1st dae he came in 4 work.
& far haf a crush on sum1 ther...muahaaa...
& ppl ther seems 2 pass motion every morn...
& far told me bou her experience in da toilet in da morn wen she tying her hair...
& it was 'gruesome'...muahahaa...bt hu neh shit?
& i avoid goin 2 toliet in da morn bt in da aftnn wen da cleaner clean da toilet already...
& here's a pix o shikin w a tissue stuck 2 her nose...
& neng
& cik yam smokiN'...
From the bottom of my heart impure
im drunk im s'pose
Wednesday, December 13, 2006: 6:18 AM
HAH!...
finally gt tym 2 update.
workin lyk mad 4 da past 3 daes...tmr is my 4th dae!
wo0ho0...earned $150 4 tiz 3 daes...
noe a lot more new ppl...& i learn 2 love em as tym pass.
bt im gonna miss aunty shanti...she gonna quit on fri...
sigh!,,a lot o things happen,bt i've gt no tym 2 share here.
btw,shikin is my new mate...n ibu,cik mas...kak lia...neng[[agnes monica]],da Lesbian,hu keep playin w ibu until ibu scold her--"Kanina!...i smack u!!!"
"sulk[[wanna cry--CRYBABY!]]
wahhaaha...veh fun,bt TIRED!...
my hands ache e 1st 2 daes...
uhnn...found tiz cartoon pix @ photobucket...cute isnt it?
From the bottom of my heart impure
Sunday, December 10, 2006: 3:05 AM
gosh...2dae i've been smiling all aft...
went 2 hougang mall 2 buy sum snackcs 4 work tmr w far...
den tajul msg her n sae he @ HM...
was bored,so he walk w us...
den uma called n sae she @ punggol park w her sis n daryl,
cycling...so we 3 walked ther.bought da ramli buRger n bird nest fern drink fm da pasar malam ther
played on da swing...bt it was so squeaky,so i got off
i sit on e sit,n far sit on e other side...n den we rocked up n down...
hahaa...bac 2 bein kids.tajul took my fone n took our photo..
den borrowed uma's & her sis's bicycle.
me n tajul ride it all over da park
fun,da breeze is nice.
den da pond gt a lot o ppl fishin or playin w eir controlled-ship
sat down n chat...he took da pix o my shoe... +_+
bt indeed,it's well-taken pix.so i took a pix o his shoe bac.
den ask him 2 take my pix w far n uma.
daryl was busily scratchin a cat on da sit infront.
hahaaa...
tajul went off
den i took a pix o me daryl n da cat... dunno WTF i doin...
ahahaa...actualli,i was meaning 2 do "whiskers"
anw,wadever it is...
we walk n sit bside da pond...i gulped down my burger
n daryl n uma bought sum drinks.
was talking n scratching sumone's dogs--of course me n far didnt
hahaa...bt da dog veh cute.
den took sum more pix...wen we all saw da rainbow behind da clouds w da silver lining.
so beautifull...
was gettin dark,so we went off.
below is da pix taken 2dae. XD
love my fone.
fizzie gav eme tiz link,gt a lot o drawings fm ppl all over.
i tryin 2 sigh up,bt my email gone wrong...tiz sux
http://www.deviantart.com
went 2 hougang mall 2 buy sum snackcs 4 work tmr w far...
den tajul msg her n sae he @ HM...
was bored,so he walk w us...
den uma called n sae she @ punggol park w her sis n daryl,
cycling...so we 3 walked ther.bought da ramli buRger n bird nest fern drink fm da pasar malam ther
played on da swing...bt it was so squeaky,so i got off
i sit on e sit,n far sit on e other side...n den we rocked up n down...
hahaa...bac 2 bein kids.tajul took my fone n took our photo..
den borrowed uma's & her sis's bicycle.
me n tajul ride it all over da park
fun,da breeze is nice.
den da pond gt a lot o ppl fishin or playin w eir controlled-ship
sat down n chat...he took da pix o my shoe... +_+
bt indeed,it's well-taken pix.so i took a pix o his shoe bac.
den ask him 2 take my pix w far n uma.
daryl was busily scratchin a cat on da sit infront.
hahaaa...
tajul went off
den i took a pix o me daryl n da cat... dunno WTF i doin...
ahahaa...actualli,i was meaning 2 do "whiskers"
anw,wadever it is...
we walk n sit bside da pond...i gulped down my burger
n daryl n uma bought sum drinks.
was talking n scratching sumone's dogs--of course me n far didnt
hahaa...bt da dog veh cute.
den took sum more pix...wen we all saw da rainbow behind da clouds w da silver lining.
so beautifull...
was gettin dark,so we went off.
below is da pix taken 2dae. XD
love my fone.
fizzie gav eme tiz link,gt a lot o drawings fm ppl all over.
i tryin 2 sigh up,bt my email gone wrong...tiz sux
http://www.deviantart.com
e end of *darK New Day*--
From the bottom of my heart impure
: 2:49 AM
PICTURE TIME!!!!
From the bottom of my heart impure
fuck YOU!
Friday, December 08, 2006: 7:36 PM
i dunno wadda hell he tryin' 2 do...
tryin 2 show off his lyf???...
...tryin' 2 make me sulk?...
well,u failed.
no0ne @ hm...
sighh...so bored w/o my bro...
wen his @ hm slalu gaduh2...
:P heex
^^^feeling Farked-Up^^^
:::ther's a place in e dark where e animals go:::
~ can take off ur skin in e cannibal glow~
I love my phone! 
dunno wadda hell i was thinkin'...
i cut my fringe again...
a bit senget...goshh...
From the bottom of my heart impure
LIAR.Lie!Li3D...
Thursday, December 07, 2006: 10:20 PM
im gonna work nex mon.
yayy...cant wait 2 get da money fm my hard work.
daryl,shopping spree nex mth!!!...
wahahaa..
hey,daryl,if u read tiz,i asked @ CP 'yamaha'[[music shop]] bou da guitar lesson
she said 4 grp,muz haf 6ppl...
den each person $62.80...ex ahh?...
dunno 4 other place diff cost or nt...
po0r shahira*bitch stuck w her lil sis 2dae!...
heex.tot she wanna ask me out 2 Vivo...
she havent go ther yet!
po0r darliing,stuck w band!...
wahahaa...
my torture fm band has ended...though i missed saiful,weiguang,shameer,nasri...
sighh!...cutety pies.
it's s0 amazing how my bond is w bitch n ragdoll...
even though we seldom contact e/o,
we ended up needing e/o...
& when we went out,we laughed all e way...
i'll b workin w far...
gd lah!...so i can always c her,n nt miss her terribly...
onli uma...
n sry daryl,i workin w far...
cz i oso nd 2 accompany e/o...if nt,she alone.
*fuck!...nw i nd 2 buy da motorola headset n usb cable... :(
From the bottom of my heart impure
i AM ghost
: 12:13 AM
*Your subconscious is sharper than you are;
or is it jz weird random images that flashed through your head at night
*&dark new day'" jz came bac fm punggol plaza.
took da shuttle bus bac hm.
was waitin 4 it 4 so long...& da stupidd christmas carols on da sound system almost drive me NUTS!
it's tt kind o songs 4 kindergarten kids
felt lyk wanna smash on da system.
or mayb shout "can you shut da fuckin' song?!"
+ den da bus came.dunno where it goes,jz took it anw.
i dun care where it goes too.
even if im lost,it's ard punggol,so i can find my way bac.
thankfully it stopped @ my bus stop
gonna go CP ltr.goin 2 buy my new mobile!!!
actually wanna buy motorola rokr E2,bt i think jz buy motorola V3x lah...
cz anw,it's $0 n ther's mp3 n bluetooth even
[[though i think nt muc space to store]]--i hope ther's extension memory cards.
^ther's no miracles w/o actions">>>bt i feel s0 weak::mental breakdown
tryin 2 listen 2 sum band i found in my "Kerrang" mag.
:::I am ghost,Kylessa,My Ruin,The Distillers:::
From the bottom of my heart impure
fear of the dark
Tuesday, December 05, 2006: 7:10 PM
well,gonna go tamp swimming complex again ltr...
arghh...miz my *bitch...& my ragdOLL!!!...
rarely see em on9.
bt im lo0kin 4ward 2 da kuzzin outing w fizzie,aiyshah n munir.
oh!...chattin w munir...said aisyah nt free,bt he will ask my sis n his sis to go w us.
& me far n fizzie gonna go 2 munir's poly open hse!
gr8!...sum1 2 show us ard da sk0ol.
though i still wanna go NAFA!<<33
n i owe fizzie a b'thdae present
n daryl sae he wanna buy me sumthin' bou 'emily strange 4 CHRISTMAS
aeee...
my minds a whirl...
contaminated w darkness...
of horendous visions...
4 da 2nd tym,i cried in my sleep cz o a crazzy dream.
arghh...miz my *bitch...& my ragdOLL!!!...
rarely see em on9.
bt im lo0kin 4ward 2 da kuzzin outing w fizzie,aiyshah n munir.
oh!...chattin w munir...said aisyah nt free,bt he will ask my sis n his sis to go w us.
& me far n fizzie gonna go 2 munir's poly open hse!
gr8!...sum1 2 show us ard da sk0ol.
though i still wanna go NAFA!<<33
n i owe fizzie a b'thdae present
n daryl sae he wanna buy me sumthin' bou 'emily strange 4 CHRISTMAS
aeee...
my minds a whirl...
contaminated w darkness...
of horendous visions...
4 da 2nd tym,i cried in my sleep cz o a crazzy dream.
From the bottom of my heart impure
The Queen
Monday, December 04, 2006: 6:48 PM
yesterdae was a dae in the....SUN!... 
pff!...
bt swimming is fun.
though i get muscle aches fm mths o nt exercising...
fiuuhh...
put a lot o sunblock.
-=5:35pm=-
went 4 another job interview...
hope e 3rd tym is e Lucky one...
da mp3 player on my blog SUX!...
gonna dwld in my songs fm my com 2 da website...
strangerous's I-ODD is in construction.
BE PREPARED TO BE BLASTED !!!>>>
pff!...
bt swimming is fun.
though i get muscle aches fm mths o nt exercising...
fiuuhh...
put a lot o sunblock.
-=5:35pm=-
went 4 another job interview...
hope e 3rd tym is e Lucky one...
da mp3 player on my blog SUX!...
gonna dwld in my songs fm my com 2 da website...
strangerous's I-ODD is in construction.
BE PREPARED TO BE BLASTED !!!>>>
From the bottom of my heart impure
Diamond Lights
Sunday, December 03, 2006: 8:12 PM
WAHAHAAA!!!....
I LOVE MY BLOG!!!
sorry to my darliing cuzzin,Fish!...
i didnt use ur blogskin nt cz it's nt nice,
bt i dunno how 2 get da 'coding' 2 put in my template.
bt u inspired me 2 do tiz skin.
thanksss!
watched Happy Feat w ms ng,ms yeow,uma,far n daryl on thur...
if i nt wrong..
wahhh!!!...had a hell lotz o fun.!
they blanja us pizza hut n movie tickets cz we help ms ng tt dae.
went n buy da mag i wan,"Kerrang"...
gt a lot o bands inside n i even gt a free CD.
9 bucks,i think it's worth it.
2dae mayb go tamp swimming complex.
my lil bro gonna get his 1st swimming lesson 2dae!!!...
hahaa...
From the bottom of my heart impure
that girl in pajamas.
--emilina allan poe
and more I admire
thy distant fire,
than that colder,
lowly light...
and more I admire
thy distant fire,
than that colder,
lowly light...
Deathwish.
become an astronaut
visit miriam at Germany
migrate
live life live
breath in out
nice grave with manicured grass
heaven.
visit miriam at Germany
migrate
live life live
breath in out
nice grave with manicured grass
heaven.
screams/howls/
shrieks/screeches.
shrieks/screeches.
other grabsteins
farhaANA-banana!<3
BITCH+shahira<<<3TRB
my Calvin!*SHAsha!<<<3
ili!
Hakim!
sally!*~
sunita!*~
syidah!*~
azimah!*~
NAFA Art Teaching YAHOO! GROUP
anis!!!<3*~
jeanie<3*~
nadiah*~
shehana*~
rachel*~
diana*~
sofiah!
haslinda!
mashitah!
haziqah!
shahirah!
Farhan*PAPA!
Azizi!
Mojozal*faisal!
Sabril!
Hazirah!
Saurah!
Shirah!
Khadijah!
Haziqah!
Amalina!
Roliah!
Erdiah!
Syed!
Hasmidah!
Atiqah!
Sufyan!-shuqun
Nora!-zss
BITCH+shahira<<<3TRB
my Calvin!*SHAsha!<<<3
ili!
Hakim!
sally!*~
sunita!*~
syidah!*~
azimah!*~
NAFA Art Teaching YAHOO! GROUP
anis!!!<3*~
jeanie<3*~
nadiah*~
shehana*~
rachel*~
diana*~
sofiah!
haslinda!
mashitah!
haziqah!
shahirah!
Farhan*PAPA!
Azizi!
Mojozal*faisal!
Sabril!
Hazirah!
Saurah!
Shirah!
Khadijah!
Haziqah!
Amalina!
Roliah!
Erdiah!
Syed!
Hasmidah!
Atiqah!
Sufyan!-shuqun
Nora!-zss
memories resurfaced.
date: June 2006
date: July 2006
date: August 2006
date: September 2006
date: October 2006
date: November 2006
date: December 2006
date: January 2007
date: February 2007
date: March 2007
date: April 2007
date: May 2007
date: June 2007
date: July 2007
date: August 2007
date: September 2007
date: October 2007
date: November 2007
date: December 2007
date: January 2008
date: July 2006
date: August 2006
date: September 2006
date: October 2006
date: November 2006
date: December 2006
date: January 2007
date: February 2007
date: March 2007
date: April 2007
date: May 2007
date: June 2007
date: July 2007
date: August 2007
date: September 2007
date: October 2007
date: November 2007
date: December 2007
date: January 2008
The Necropolis
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