i did my hair...
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
err...one word:it SO SHORT!
ok2...mayb im just so used 2 my longgg hair...
bt...arghhh!...i wanna cry...really.
i feel so sayang wen i see my long hair lying dead on e saloon floor...
haissss...
n i dyed my hair too.e color is nt wad's on my mind...
it's okay though...sigh..!!

wee!!!FIRST OF JULY IS HERE!!!
NINETEEN MORE DAYS TO SCHOOL ORIENTATION!
yeahh,tt's e day im waiting since january.
and also 19 is the 4th month!weee....

*a plane across changi beach in -ve*by emily666

the light shone on me,bt it might be for a moment.life will get sky high,and before you knew it,your rock bottom.

im goin johor/melaka today...i dunno wen i'll b bac,either today night;or tmr...
sighh... :(

"dear god,i wrote a letter drenched in my own blood...you see,i wrote a msg,i loved; i loved..."



i told u guys tt me & dani bought PSP e last few weeks ago...
his white,mine pink...he paid 4 mine,i paid 4 his...
i saved months of my pay just 2 buy this...
n i got it!wadsmore w dani!^_^
well,cz he goin on e trip,he asked me,whether can exchange our PSPs...
tt means he hold mine,i hold his...
...i said of course!...the PSP meant so much 2 us.
finally,everything resolved!...
im so HAPPY~~~
nyahahahaasss...
e gaping hole in my heart...is filled back again.



went & meet Far n uma...
do some catching up on e/o!
nw i've made uma a blog,im making far a blog too!
^_^ love making blogs for ppl!
den went 2 Tamp swimming complex 2 watch my bro n little cousins swim...
tt's my niece!aishhhaaahhh!...ala2 cutee nyer mate dierr!
~_~ tk sabar nk mandik ni!...

Zacky and Yana!!!i love love you guys!...

this seems like the most terrible nightmare...
but...this gaping hole,where he used to be,is nothing bt pitckfork darkness.
it's partly my fault too,i shud haf try 2 call him n find out if e picture is illy true.
now we're victims,and that almost broke us up.
i tried hard to correct my mistakes
i just haf to wait now,n pray,tt he'll come back.
yes,all this tt happened hurt me so much,
bt i feel tt my heart doesnt matters.
i want my loved ones,my friends,him; to be happy before I can be happy...
i noe i hurt my loved ones a LOT,
now my only one wish,is to take away their pain away...
take away all e poison n put e poison in me
i'll take it,i'll survive,cz their smiles will den cure me

im chatting with Doug now...
sighh...
Karma.just tt day i was ranting about it.
n now,my fren,is goin thru it...
he's changing now...though it's late.
bt i hope it's not TOO late for him.

i was given a chance 2 correct everything
& im goin 2 correct it

aiyo0!...y lyk everyone getting a HELL of a bad week?

GOD SAVE ME!!!
every which way feels so SO wrong...
fikiran aku buntu!!!...wanna bang my head against the wall
why must life haf 2 b this way???!
i don't noe which or whom to believe
which way to take,the right or left
whom to believe,my heart or my brain???
i need some people to show me wad to chose...bt...im too afraid
too afraid to be hurt again

today was...errr...lemme see how i could describe it...
dreadful day???for me n uma
haa!...e day begans with some curry tt spilled all over her clothes tt made her late 4 our meeting.
ad the side of the road to punggol beach,lay a large iguana sunbathing...
it shocked us,thought it was a branch fm a tree-uma was more terrified,she's illy afraid of creepy crawlies-
den wen we reached punggol beach n spread my picnic mat under e bridge-for shade-,
the wind blew e water 2 make a wave tt almost made all our things,including us,wet!
so,yelping,we quickly get all our stuff n moved it away.
though ended up some of our things,like our shoes were soaked.
den while in e bus 82,she dropped her purse there!
n we went 2 CP,n den waited for 45mins....
hell!we were illy miserable...
so i gave her money 4 e fare 2 go Serangoon Int 2 find her wallet there
-since e 82 pick-up point 4 Lost stuff is ad Serangoon-
went there.
ended up,it was a wasted trip-cant find her purse there-so we took bus bac 2 punggol beach where i left my damn bike.
wen we reached punggol 2 take 82 back 2 e beach,it was starting 2 rain...
we were praying...tt it wont rain...
if nt,i dunno how 2 get my bike home.
we were exhausted,hungry,dehydrating,sweating n all e shit u can imagine...
hur hur hur...
got 2 e beach,n took my bike.
told her 2 take e bus n let me just ride on my bike home alone,
bt she insisted tt she won't leave me alone.
she wont leave me ride my bike alone cz u guys noe e road there is dangerous n also deserted.
n i guess i cant argue back.
so i just pushed my bicycle n we chatted2...
how can our day be this bad?
we felt we were fm the town called "Losersville"
chuckles*...
n o0H!...e stupid iguana is still there...y,does it still want to sunbathe in the sun???
ther's barely no sun left....n as we walked ard it....guess wad??
it's DEAD.dead as a dead log...
it's head like drooping,facing us.as we study it more closely fm the other roadside,
we really think tt sum vehicle ran over it...gross
we regretted looking ad it 4 so long,cz we cant take e image o e dead thing out of our minds!!!grrr
d'oh!stop this little drops of rain!....
...guess our last prayer answered...it didnt rain aftall!
n on e way,uma received a call-someone[a kind soul!] had came 2 her hse 2 return e purse!-
ther's IC inside...whoever it is...MUAaaaHH!
i think i sprained my left foot...n i haf blisters on both feet...
n my finger is still bleeding a little cz i accidentally scratched it on sumthin...
my feet are screaming with pain!well,mayb even agony,im limping

but den....e whole day...
im thinkin bou e whole conversation i had w yana...
my brain kept replaying n replaying it lyk a broken record...
God,show me your way,tt's all i ask 4 now...
can i give love a chance?
is it really that bitch's fault???-ops!-
i cant take off this blindfold,how can i make the right judgement?

uma: guess this is wad they mean by best friends go thru thick & thin together...
me:yeah!thick n thin...up & down e hill...
we:chuckle chuckle [mayb she giggled,i dun lyk e word "giggle" anw..]
me:u noe...we noe e/o since sec 1,n now it's been more den 4 yrs...n it seems lyk we AT LEAST have 4 more years to go thru together,3 yrs in NAFA,same course,same class,den 1 yr in NIE...n IF we are lucky...mayb even 5 more yrs!if we were posted 2 e same sch to teach...
uma:yeahH!...i got a lifetime friend
me: grins* mayb now we can luagh how silly we were in sec1...n mayb 5 yrs more,we'll be laughing about TODAY...
uma:LOL
well,so this is uma,she noe my attitude well-n HELL!she nags lyk my mum too. :P

and thanks to Zacky V too,my best dude!
love tt poem!
In strange we trust
In the irons we up
In the darkness we sleep
In blood we reign
In metal we live!

666!a new song for my blog...
MCR & The Used-Under Pressure....
this song will heal all the heartbroken...

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
da da da
da da da
da da da
Ee day da - that's okay
Its the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Scream 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow takes me higher
Pressure on people on streets
Eaaa
be da da da - okay
Chippin' around kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
be da do
be da do
be da do
be da do
People on streets - ba da dee da de
People on streets - be da dee da dee da dee da
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Scream 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow takes me higher
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
I keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
Why - why - why ?
Love love love love love love love love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we
give love x9
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our ways of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure (echos x2)

Teenagers by MCR new music video

Fade To Black

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filing me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now He's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

stars hanging
she cant sleep
so she swallowed drugs & booze
head spinning
trees whipping
the breeze pushing her to sleep

tossed & turned
she felt cold
rain getting inside her room from her open window
she got up
looked into the mirror
pale she was like porcelain Yin

then come the lightning
lighting the whole room
as bright as day
but no thunder came
her eyes wide open
turned from black to white

she stood by her window
looking up to the red sky
another flash of lightning
this one greater,brighter!
threatening to send down the bolt
that will kill hundreds in an instant

but there she stood,ready
it never came
only the wind
blowing so hard
the midnightmare trampling of dreams

her soul on ice
the shattered heart
the wind carry her to the sky
the healing rain
tattered and torn she is,
but once again she'll survive
cause she's just a ghost in that fog

i thought thru it all day...
n haa...
remnicising,yeah tt's e word...
how weird fate had brought us together & apart.
it was just yesterday also hussin chatted w me
resolve the past mistakes.i dun bear any grudge or wadsoever
bt now...e 2 things tt happen this year seems 2 be "a great start" for me
now i cant forgive & hell,i cant forget!
u noe,Karma really exist.it even exist on tv...
i've experienced it...& i experienced it yesterdae...
wad i've done to raudhah,i got it back-a tight slap in the face-
it hurt,and now i finally understood how she felt...
somehow it gave me a peaceful feeling...
one day,Karma will get back to you
that i promise...

what big sins have i done...to deserve this....?
but i dare not ask...for im scared the control over me is gone
i just wish all the best.no doubt im the biggest loser & idiot

i can become nuts if i stay inside my head for long...
so i called uma...n we went out.
we're not tt happy as we looked.
we are just being very plain silly...
trying to be happy...
we always joked about this 2 person...haa...sry...
as i said,we r just joking,n being plain silly...
no hard feelings...

im so cold;my heart lost in this sombre sea of tears
will i drown here?
coz my knight fall behind the veil,
and never emerged
don't know where his gone
this life has no point
the butterfly of my vibrant life is gone;
rip out the wings of a butterfly
i give you my soul,n it's gone as it's gone with you
and now the moon never shine on me
never felt the breeze that bring your kiss
i lay in the darkness alone as pebbles of raindrops hit the window
i knew i'll never see the sun again

Her Ghost In The Fog
*turn ur volume up a notch now!...*

"The Moon, she hangs like a cruel portrait
Soft winds whisper the bidding of trees
As this tragedy starts with a shattered glass heart
And the Midnightmare trampling of dreams
But oh, no tears please
Fear and pain may accompany Death
But it is desire that shepherds it's certainty
As We shall see..."

She was divinity's creature
That kissed the cold mirrors
A Queen of Snows
Far beyond compare
Lips attuned to symmetry
Sought Her everywhere
Dark liqoured eyes
An Arabian nightmare...

She shone on watercolours
Of my pondlife as pearl
Until those who couldn't have Her
Cut Her free of this World

That fateful Eve when...
The trees stank of sunset and camphor
Their lanterns chased phantoms and threw
An inquisitive glance, like the shadows they cast
On my love picking rue by the light of the moon

Putting reason to flight
Or to death as their way
They crept through woods mesmerized
By the taffeta Ley
Of Her hips that held sway
Over all they surveyed
Save a mist on the rise
(A deadly blessing to hide)
Her ghost in the fog

They raped left...
(Five men of God)
...Her ghost in the fog

Dawn discovered Her there
Beneath the Cedar's stare
Silk dress torn, Her raven hair
Flown to gown Her beauty bared
Was starred with frost, I knew Her lost
I wept 'til tears crept back to prayer

She'd sworn Me vows in fragrant blood
"Never to part
Lest jealous Heaven stole our hearts"

Then this I screamed:
"Come back to Me for
I was born in love with thee
So why should fate stand in between?"

And as I drowned Her gentle curves
With dreams unsaid and final words
I espied a gleam trodden to earth
The Church bell tower key...

The village mourned her by the by
For She'd been a witch
Their Men had longed to try
And I broke under Christ seeking guilty signs
My tortured soul on ice

A Queen of snow
Far beyond compare
Lips attuned to symmetry
Sought Her everywhere
Trappistine eyes
An Arabian nightmare...

She was Ersulie possessed
Of a milky white skin
My porcelain Yin
A graceful Angel of Sin

And so for Her...
The breeze stank of sunset and camphor
My lantern chased Her phantom and blew
Their Chapel ablaze and all locked in to a pain
Best reserved for judgement that their bible construed...

Putting reason to flight
Or to flame unashamed
I swept form cries
Mesmerized
By the taffeta Ley
Or Her hips that held sway
Over all those at bay
Save a mist on the rise
A final blessing to hide
Her ghost in the fog

And I embraced
Where lovers rot...
Her ghost in the fog

Her ghost in the fog


i listen 2 this song for quite a while ago...
i want to SCREAM like Dani!!!
:D



im fuckin' pissed.i really am.
i hope you get wad i mean.


n uhhh...i straightened my fringe ystd...
n e aunty go n cut my fringe b4 i can sae "NO0o..."
damn!i dunno whether 2 swore out loud or cry...
den e other aunty scold this aunty n e new aunty took over....
it turned out okay...i look emily now...
hey...i AM emily...
thx for e help Shashah...
chuckles...
just mishh missshhh u hobbes!
n REALLY missssssshhhhhhh!!!that BITCH!...brainiacc!
shahiiiirrraaaa~!







ystd was Dani's audition...e results will be out mayb nex week...
hope Radiant Archery is chosen!....even into e Finals!
2 compete 4 e $50 000!:D
n 2dae he got gig @ Gaus Haus,or now it's called Red House...-is it???-well,sry if im wrong...
well,anyway...hope i can go his gig one day...
and i really wanna bring shahira n shashah together so we can mosh...ahakz! ^_^
i can jz imagine it all...

it's so weird how ur loved ones can affect ur lives...

firstly it's an old best friend of mine...
radhiah...she just suddenly comment in my n uma's friendster,
"seems ur too busy tt u forget about me already..."

n secondly my -beloved- mom...
she said lyk i everyday go out...
last year i always stay at home
and now i dun even noe if i can go out w shashah n shahira...

yeah!...here i m ranting about all this stuff...
haha...i cant help it!
last yr e reason y i dun go out is also 4 O-lvls.
i sacrificed a lot 4 it.every of my energy...
i noe it's e 1st key 2 my future,n i want to make her proud of me...
n mayb she'll let me e freedom 2 see e world-even if it's singapore-
shut e fuck up
shut e fuck up
shut e fuck up
n hell yeah,i've @ least reached my goal.
for once in june i stayed @ home 4 3 whole days,never touching the ground floor fm my 13th storey high flat.
e same normal routine of beating e shit out o studying...
only 2 rest to watch tv n goin online...
a same old routine of a girl with no life;bt i took it...
cz i noe...i've 2 swallow e medicine,though i noe how bitter it is...
one day it wud paid off.
and now i just need her 2 understand me...
or mayb understand herself,cz she was once a teenager lyk me too;eager 2 see e world
i didnt ask 2 go out till late midnight...
bt i noe this negotiation wud never happen
n im left defeated.i just wan 2 rebel,bt i just cant.
i noe i dun wan too.

bt all i noe is...
i only wan dani 2 show me e world.
even it's to sum coffeeshop or a guitar shop,i only wan him to show me ard...
n my dreams r one day tt we both can travel ard e world together

me n uma felt lyk a knife stabbing right into our hearts...
it's nt tt we 4get about her...it was hard 2 contact her...
y does this little words hurt so much?

other people might nt understand how i feel
bt u noe...sumtym wen u read a book,n u put urself in e characters shoes,
u'll discover more...n understand
no one can live alone.cz if they were 2 live alone,they r nt human,they r monsters.
no one is perfect.cz even angels arent.
so this entry...is for me 2 reflect myself...
cz i noe sumwhere i went wrong
n to give me e calmness i sought

me ad Changi!!!
:D

today i tried a new job...
i repeat again--TRY--haaa!!...
cz e work is a company tt held diff events.
so e event this month is a charity organisation.
so 2dae,my face was suddenly popular @ Wheelock Place...
hehehee...
i manage 2 sell sum tickets,though nt a lot.
bt e crazy thing is i CANT stand standing in e sun.
n one very strange but sweet incident happen...
i saw tiz malay girl sitting @ e bench,i thought ard 20 or sumthin'...
i approached her...n ask her whether she wan 2 donate.
den she tell me 2 sit down w her...
n she started 2 talk 2 me...
she said ah...she work in Wisma Atria @ TopShop cz she love 2 do lyk consultant n stuff,
bt NEVER like cashier or stock-sumthin'...
so she gt a fight n quited right there.
so she was walkin' 2wards Wheelock,wen she saw Zara;
n decided 2 give it a shot.
so she was sitting @ e bench.
i saw her changing her high heels 2 normal sneakers.
n she complained tt it's hurting...
she was actually watching me e whole time...
[can u imagine???]
n she said she noe i look tired n bored
[w/ch i m bored,bt nt totally tired.only tt e heat killing me]
n i laughed wen she said tt...
"kau boring giler ke pe?" i asked.
n she said "yeahh..." w a sheepish smile...
n i talked 2 her...a STRANGER i dint noe @ all....
n she's only 18!she gave me her email add...bt i lost it!!!darn!
i only rmb it was sumthin' lyk 'sheqyn sumthin' @ hotmail.com'...n she live in Pasir Ris....if im nt wrong...
arrgggHHH!!!
"oh yeah,btw wad's ur name?"
"shahidah,u?"
"shiqin" she held out her hand
"ok!..shahidah"
we laughed
now,i wish i can find her in friendster/myspace...

n i asked tiz AngMoh...n he said tt he nt interested bt he said tt i had done a great job in speaking to him,n he find me -HAA!!--sweeeeeeeeettttt!!!
i cant believe it!...he lyk tt kind o businessman...
yeahhh,i noe he didnt donate,bt oh heck-im flattered-
HAA!
hur hur hurr...
okayyyy...im nuts.
im in friendster.....hope i can find sheqyn!!!..
ummm...
OMG!!!!!!!!!i got her!
weeeee!.........
thnak god i have good memory.
another friend made!:D
well....although @ e end o e day i feel lyk e job nt worth it,
i felt so content...
i felt i have done sumthin' today...2 make my life more meaningful...

I LOVE YOU SHASHAH!
I LOVE YOU SHAHIRA!
I LOVE YOU FARHANA!
I LOVE YOU UMA!
I LOVE YOU RADHIAH!
I LOVE YOU PUTRI!
I LOVE YOU FAT!
MUAHAHAHAAA!!...

I LOVE YOU DANI!...
:D

i dunno why my life had turned out to be like this.
i dunno why.i came to work to earn money[like the pay is even fantastic],friends n experience.
not to have a fight or end up with a grudge.

no...i never hold a grudge.
but i just can't face everyone anymore.
i know it's not my fault,but im sick of everything.
so it's better i leave quitely.
i dun wan to drag along anyone else with me.
bt dani wan 2 leave too...
i dunno wad to do now.
will call awal to say i quiting...
yes,e reason y i quit is because im just so sick of working everyday
n also im sick of them telling us to work more
n im sick of being tired @ e end of e day
n i got a letter fm NAFA already...
i promised my mum i wud stop workin' once i got e letter.
i was thinkin o pleading my mum,2 @ least let me ctn workin'...even if it's only on sunday...
bt wad happen tt night really is the triggering thing 2 made my decision to quit.

like my Humans teacher said,u must identify e reasons,and then the triggering factor tt leads to e action.
hell YEAH,im going to miss everyone!!!...
:'( im crying just at the thought...
i just cant face jocelyn n boh...coz...i dunno...
i hate them??bt i'll never bear any grudge or wadsoever...
i know im just avoiding everything.
bt fuck...you would avoid everything if u're in my situation too...

i still haven't inform awal im quitting...
bt anyway,tmr me n uma finding a new job.
i've enuf of being depressed!


so ystd!!!wee....
went to buy PSP w Dani n Ray!!!
Abu cant cum....cz no $$$... :(
searched Lucky Plaza n Far East...
im making an announcement here!
DUN EVER GO TO FAR EAST PLAZA GADGET SHOP ON THE FIRST FLOOR!
e salesperson is e ugliest idiotic bastard tt can kiss e baboon's ass!!!
cheater to tourists n teenagers!i wan to set his bloody shop on fire!!!
....
never found a good price @ Lucky Plaza...so went to Sim Lim.
n found e best price $270,original...
i bought Pink,Dani;White
den my dad called n i g2g 4 e family bbq...
so dani n ray go e PC Show 2 buy e 2GB PSP memory stick.
reached hm n my dad open e mailbox where my letter fm NAFA is there!!!!
wooohhhooOOO!!
"dear NAFA student..." im so gleeful as i read the words.
lolsss...
went to e fam bbq...
duhhh...hafizah nt there... :(
was so out of mood thinkin' bou e meeting...
my parents WONT let me go...they said they wan me call manager 2 tell tt they wan me quit.
so there...suddenly Lin come...my cousin...
she's just pri 5...bt oh god,do i love her!
:D she's e most deepest matured girl i had ever seen 4 a pri 5!
it feels so nice talkin 2 her...
n my mood was lifted a little...
reached home @ 1am...

just spent time w my bro...
n now,im dwlding rock videos to put in my PSP though i havent take my memory stick fm dani yet...
n if anyone read yesterday's TODAY Newspaper,u'll find out tt MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE is cming to SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
at the end of this year,most probably...
pls pls pls pls pls---
arggGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!
GERARD WAY...
hur hur hurr...
im gonna stand front o the stage,as e most hardcore mcr fan...
with dani,of course!!
and also SHASHAH n SHAHIRA!!!
wuuuhuuu!!!